Shamelessly Plugging My Performance at This Year’s Spopocalypse Now Festival
Herb will be performing at Spopocalypse Now, as part of The Third Annual Snowmeggedon Days Live Blogging Festival January 16th through the 19th. The three day extravaganza of pleats, peace and snow removal was established in 2007 to commemorate the landmark flat tire on the Urban’s Yellowstone road trip that landed the first Jew in Herbyslyvania.
This year’s festivities are sponsored by Safeway Selects “I can’t believe they call these things bagels”, The Pleat Council of Methlehem County and Mullet Fancy magazine. All proceeds from the free event go toward the Herban T. and Catherine D. MacArthur Foundation, dedicated to finding a volunteer to shovel my sidewalk so our damn house can sell.
Billed as the whitest winter festival this side of Lindsey Lohan’s nostrils, Snowmeggdon Days offers a smorgasbord of wholesale fun and free kidney stone examinations for the entire family, with only a handful of friendly reminders to help shovel my driveway. Come early for the Running of The Rednecks and stay through Sunday night’s epic spinning of the communal driedel closing ceremonies. One lucky raffle winner could possibly earn a chance to drive Herb back to the airport. I envy the lucky bastard!
This year I will be performing an alluring interpretive dance depicting a real time account of Star Jones’ ghastly 23 hour gastric bypass surgery set to the melodious tones of local favorites The Harvey Manseed Players.
Tentatively slated to appear are Herb’s ex co-worker Edna Frump, the smelly guy from the #23 bus, two surviving members of Loggins and Messina, Herbsylvania’s remaining liberal and some ornery bugger who claims he has proof President-Elect Obama is not a nature born citizen. Sadly, TV’s Sportacus, Icelandic Gymnastic Deity ™ Magnus Scheving was a last minute cancellation when my e-vite bounced.
Those unable to attend, fear not. Starting in early February, I will be selling bootleg cassettes of my pirate podcast out of the back of my van. The van is a rental. Mrs. Urban has agreed to drop me off in front of a local high school and go shopping for days while I attempt to lure teens and tweens into my van to regale them with prerecorded tales of my prodigious blogging exploits. What could possibly go wrong there?
Reserve your spot now to join the celebration. The Urban Family Compound Exhibition Center and Funplex is the located off Highway 2, three blocks east of The Church of The Closed Bible between Home Depot and maybe two or three dozen other churches in The Dollar Daze Memorial Shopping Plaza. Bring your appetite for fried food and a couple spare shovels. See you there!
Had to pull my car on a sled - by the time I got there, y’all were gone except for a gaggle of zitty groupies burning incense in an igloo while waiting for your podcast. Other than that. No wonder the bagels are stale.
Oy Vehhhh.. what’s this with the winter jew humor ? don’t you know there’s money to be made in an environment like this ?
where are the snowhoe rentals ?
and what about those Jew Favorites, the topless Dreidl Girls ?
co’mon what’s a jew to do ?