Back by popular demand, this is our second installment of the Urban Shocker awards — honoring the greatest names in the history of our national pastime. Today we focus on the the turbulent decade of the 1930’s. It was a time of widespread economic depression at home and expanding Fascism abroad, cumulating in the second World War. But enough on the gloomy Gus history lessons, lets mock some lesser known names of long dead ballplayers!
Johnny Gooch (1921-1933) J-Goo was ahead of his time. He was the very first ballplayer to embrace a hyphenated nickname. “The Gooch”, a rare dual nickname superstar, is best known for being the only professional athlete of his era to have a STD named in his honor. Yet another distinction he would later share in common with Alex Rodriguez.
Red “Nonny” Nonnenkamp (1933, 38-40) He claimed the constant taunts of “Nonny Nonny Nonnenkampoop” never bothered him, but suicide notes are seldom reliable.
Dick Midkiff (1938) Dick’s career was cut short by a freak accident on the construction site of the Empire State Building. A miter saw loped off four fingers on his pitching hand. Midkiff valiantly tried to deceive hitters with his 17 mph single finger heater, but his lack of velocity exposed Midkiff to many monstrous taters. Hounded unmercifully by an unforgiving Boston press, the reviled Midkiff relented, announcing a premature retirement half way through his rookie campaign.
Sibby Sisti (1939-54) There is nothing funny about fatal anal polyps.
Fabian Gaffke (1936-1942) Truly a renaissance man, Gaffke was a German teenage underwear model, turned existentialist philosophy before fleeing the motherland to avoid paying off his enormous hooker debts. A poor fielder, his league leading sixty seven errors in 1940 made the term “Gaffke” a popular war time aphorism for ex German underwear models who booted easy ground balls.
Creepy Crespi (1938-42) Born Frank Angelo Joseph Crespi, all who knew him agreed he was always a little Creepy to them.
Brown was a victim of his own unbridled enthusiasm. A self described raconteur and gigolo about town, the foul smelling Brown clumsily corralled unsuspecting women in his apartment and plied them with stale pickup lines, cheap rum and news reels of his on field heroics. Brown would be blacklisted for life from baseball when one of his attempted conquests turned out to be the wife of Boston Red Sox owner Thomas A. Yawkey.
Emerson Dickman (1936-41) A humble country boy, Emerson never read a book in his life. The literary catcalls mocking his name were lost on poor old Dickman, just as easily as would be the works of Henry David Thoreau or Dr. Seuss.
Debs Garms (1932-45) Don’t let the name fool you. Debs “Tex” Garms was a rough and tumble man’s man. Debs served jail time for strangling an official scorer to death over a triple later ruled a three base error on the opposing team’s left fielder. He proceeded to kill three more men in the bullpen for looking at him funny, and yet two more in prison.
Elden Auker (1933-42) With a name like Auker, you would have to be good to stick around the big leagues for nearly a decade. Not so with Elden. He was actually quite bad.
