If Star Jones can’t make love work, how do the rest of us even stand a chance?
*Verb 1. minify - make smaller; “He decreased his staff”
Is that something a guy can do voluntarily? When I need to quell an untimely insurgent uprising I visualize Star Jones employing her fatty extracts as a fondue pot for delicious Cornish hens. That minifies my shit right up.
In other enthralling celebrities news headlines that caught my eye scrolling before me in my office elevator, it has been a rough couple of months for disgraced pitching great Roger Clemens. The Rocket is alleged to have been banging a 15 year old country singer. Billy Ray Cyrus: Worst.Stage.Dad.Ever! Nice going defrocked Minister of the Mullet faithful. E-mailing suggestive photos of your daughter to Bill O’Reilly? Sounds like someone has been taking dubious parenting advice from Lynne Spears again. What’s next, Frenching Madonna or partying with Paris and their departed panties on the Sunset Strip?
Speaking of Bill Orally, so is this what floats his loofah these days? He wants to convene a conference to discuss the scantily clad Hannah Montana pictures? I can see how this would be a nice diversion from his daily all hands Fox News staff circle jerk. It is hard to sustain a 24 hour news cycle erection on a limited number of 90 second Rev. Wright YouTube clips and taking Barack Obama speeches out on context. Hell, even the Clinton campaign has moved on to flogging Obama over other non issues. Not liking Bill’s choice of Warren Zevon’s “Excitable Boy” as theme song on the stump. The Big Dog is hanging out with more of the “Lawyers, Guns and Money” crowd these days.
Lastly, I want to take a minute to address the nasty internet rumor I’m begging Matt Drudge to run with regarding reports that I have been in blogging seclusion to hide my shame for faking a second Brucegasm at the Seattle Springsteen show last month. How dare you, obscure hack blogger undeserving of my linkage. I may have experienced a “senior moment” during Point Blank, but I definitely came up for the rising. Screw you, Herb Urban Nights! Mike Gravel’s taint, does every shmohawk have a second blog these days?






















